Do you want eyes with that?

I am happy to announce that yesterday I had LASIK vision correction surgery, and it was a success! No more glasses for me!

I have been seeing my optometrist, as well as doctors at TLC Laser Eye Center in Reston, for a couple of months. It took a while to find a time when I could be at home and avoid doing anything dirty or strenuous so I could heal properly.

Yesterday, the big day arrived. I scheduled the surgery for the afternoon, so that the lasers would warm up all day and be as hot as possible. (Imagine my disappointment when I found out that they are actually cool lasers.) When I arrived, I was taken to a room where they put about 13 eye drops in each eye. I was offered Valium, which I accepted to make me as dopey as possible. I then met the skilled ophthalmologist, ninja master, and chairman of the Jedi Council Dr. Edward Perraut. He explained the game plan and said I might feel some pressure but no pain during the procedure.

Before my procedure, I got to watch the guy before me get his. They put a live video of the eye they're working on on a monitor. The ticking of the laser could be heard from outside, where we were waiting, and I was a little nervous, but the Valium was working well, so I said what the hey and went in next.

I was prepped, dressed, and placed in the supine position. (For everyone but Angie, that's medical-speak for putting on a hat and lying on my back.) Dr. Perraut wasted no time, taping my left eye shut and clamping my right eye open with something that does not look unlike eyelash curlers. They're eyelid curlers, really. He then put about 22 more drops in the right eye. Next was the "pressure" to which he referred. He pressed a little cylinder down onto my eye, hard. I could feel my head being pressed against the headrest. I guess it didn't technically hurt, but it was quite uncomfortable, and the world went black for me.

Next they swiveled me under one of the lasers and hooked the laser machine up to the cylinder. Dr. Perraut counted down the 20 seconds it took to slice a thin layer off the front of my eye. After that, some of the pressure subsided, which was a relief, and I was swiveled out from under the laser. The doctor folded back the thin corneal flap and quickly swiveled me under laser #2, the actual LASIK laser. I could see again, but everything was blurrier than before ("what if the power goes out right now?," I should have thought, but I had had Valium.) What I could see was a flashing orange blur. I think it took 30 to 45 seconds per eye under the LASIK laser, and it didn't bother me at all. In fact, laser #2 was quite comfy compared to pressing my eye into my brain that had been done before. There was a loud ticking sound and a burning smell ("chemicals," they told me...burning flesh says I). No pain at all. During the ticking, I could actually see the orange light get crisper and clearer, not perfectly, but better by the second!

After the ticking was done, they swiveled me out and took off the cylinder, to my great relief. Dr. Perraut smoothed the flap into place, and cold liquid dripped from my eye down the side of my head. Tracy told me that was from a wet Q-tip they used to smooth out the flap. This eye was then taped shut (with the tape that had been on my left eye, maybe? That would have been resourceful).

This procedure was repeated for my left eye. I won't bore you with the details.

After the left eye, my right eye was untaped, and I was told to sit up. I went to the corner of the room where there was an eye checking machine, like the kind at your eye doctor. Dr. Perraut examined both eyes and pronounced the procedure a rollicking success. I bowed to him and was ushered to a recovery room, where I spent the first 45 seconds of my recovery. Then I was told to go home and start doing all kinds of eye drops.

This morning when I woke up, it was like a miracle. Clear vision, without glasses or contacts! That's what Tiger Woods says on the radio (his surgeon is the other surgeon at TLC Reston but is not a ninja master), and it's true. My eyes feel great, and my kids have been gracious enough not to enjoy a snack of Gummi Corneas so far, so overall everything is good.

Since this is a kiddodiddo blog, I will mention that the kids' reaction has been slim to none. Jimmy's reaction was something like, "Wow! Can I play Toontown now?"

If you can save your pennies, I highly recommend LASIK, especially with Dr. Perraut.

Time to go do more eyedrops.